CHAPTER ELEVEN

The next day, after lunch, Connie immediately left for the woods. The day was beautiful with flowers of all colors just beginning to open. She was looking for the gamekeeper, and when she found that he was not at the hut, she walked on toward his home.

When she arrived, she found the front door wide open and the dog, Flossie, came running out to greet her. Inside, the gamekeeper was seated at his dining table, eating. He got up to meet her at the door.

"Would you mind if I came inside?" she asked.

"Please," he said gesturing for her to enter.

As she walked through the door she could smell the recently cooked meat and saw a glass of beer sitting half-drunk on the table. He offered her something to eat and drink, which she accepted on the condition that she help herself.

While making some tea and clearing his dining table for him, Connie sensed that he was feeling a little sad.

"What's wrong? Are you feeling bad today?"

"No, I just don't like people very much and I had to deal with two illegal hunters today. Had to go all the way to Uthwaite. I like my job, but I hate it when it requires me to go into town!"

"Why don't you just stop working? You probably have enough money to retire and live simply."

"No, the time I stop working is the time that I stop living. I have to work, and it has to be for another person or else I'll get lazy."

Connie felt that he was not paying enough attention to her now. She wished that he would show more interest.

"I'm going to Venice in a few weeks," she said.

"How long will you be away?"

"Just about a month, but Clifford's staying here. He doesn't enjoy travel."

"Too bad for him."

After a moment of silence, Connie quietly added, "I told him that I may have a child."

This, finally, caught the attention of the gamekeeper. He looked at her very seriously and asked, "And how did he respond? Did you say anything about me?"

"He's OK with it, as long as he can act as the father. Of course, I didn't mention you. I told him that I might have a short relationship with an Italian."

"Ah, I see."

"I won't, of course. I just want it to seem like I did. Clifford can't know that you're the father."

He stood, looking quietly out the window.

"So you only want a child from me, then?"

"Not exactly," she answered.

"Well, then what exactly do you want?" he said angrily.

"I'm not sure."

This answer only made the gamekeeper even angrier.

"Well, fine! Have your child and give it to Clifford. I don't care. I've been used by women before, but at least this time I can enjoy it a little more!"

"But I'm not using you! I liked the way you looked," she tried to explain.

He just laughed at this and said, "Well, great! I like your appearance too, so why don't we just go upstairs and give each other what we both want and be done with it?"

"No, I want to do it in the hut. Not here."

"So, let's go."

"I have to return home, now."

"But ... "

"Thanks for the tea."

And then she left, feeling horrible. That whole afternoon she felt uncomfortable. She could not stop thinking about him and felt that she had to see him. So, a little later, after teatime, she quietly left the house through the side door and ran to the hut, hoping he would be there waiting.

He was there, feeding the chickens in their cages.

"Do you want me?" she asked him directly.

He took her by the arm and led her to the hut. Inside, after putting blankets on the floor, he had her lay down while he took off his clothing. Then he got under the blanket with her and, after raising her dress, took hold of her breasts and kissed her nipples.

She put her arms around him, but found that she felt quite afraid. She lay there the whole time without moving, thinking about how stupid men looked while having sex. She wanted to laugh at the movement of the gamekeeper's buttocks up and down as he tried to push his silly little penis ever deeper inside her. She wanted to get away from him, to get away from this disgustingly foolish act.

Afterward, when he had finished and was lying quietly next to her, she began to cry softly. He, however, did not notice.

"You just laid there this time," he said suddenly.

She started crying harder and said, "It's impossible for me to love you! I want to, but I just can't."

"Well ... I guess that's OK, then. Let's just enjoy our sex, at least," he said, getting up and starting to dress himself.

Connie suddenly took hold of him, crying, "No! Please don't leave me!"

The gamekeeper put his arms around her and she felt all of her fears disappear. She now wanted him, and the rise of his penis told her that he, too, wanted her. When he entered her again, she felt great peace and completely opened herself up to him. It was as if she were an ocean. The deeper he went inside her, separating the waters, further and further uncovering her, the more naked she became; until, finally, it seemed he could go no further. And it was at this moment that she felt she had become a complete woman.

When she felt his penis leaving her, she suddenly realized how beautiful the moment had truly been and she cried out, not wanting him to go away from her. She needed him inside of her.

So this was "man", she thought to herself. This was what she had wanted her whole life, and now she had found it, and just after being disgusted by it! Gently touching his balls and penis, she could not help thinking about how mysterious man's beauty was. She could not explain the way she felt, so she remained silent. However, after a while, she needed to hear him speak.

"Do you love me?" she asked.

"Isn't it clear how I feel? I love that I can come inside of you, that I can fuck you," he answered.

"Do you still think I only want you for a baby?"

"Nah. I suppose you could have a child with anybody."

"How much do you care about me?" She then asked.

He only kissed her and ran his hand along her body, sliding it in between her legs. And then she remained silent for fear that her words might frighten him and push him away from her. She went home feeling more alive than ever before.

(end of section)